i'm blowing ruined air into the pacific with a riot brewing behind my eyelids

so, lately: white wine thursdays, plans for cake, tall people, rowdy juniors getting wasted on trains, pining, broken evergreens, older sisters and american nights, jilted but my shoulders are square, decisions and decadence, spring cleaning in all senses, skype hype, cinnamon hearts to the head, cashmere, empty sleep, long phonecalls, elevated, "whalley stars", wrong gates, circles to dance in, rickards red, beef tripe, slow checks, loaded stomachs and raised spirits, expensive rambutan (that fruit looks trippy), cuts on fingers bandaged by strawberry shortcake (i would).

the quiet things that no one ever knows

long naps, superduperserious, tape cassettes unwinding, listening to the blood brothers like it's 2007 again, sharing is caring, dimly lit mornings, not young enough to blame age, health-less fools, strong eyes, pockets made for passports, mix tapes for months, warm legs, important words, pictures from the eighties, music from the nineties, hella good, ruined rooms, second week, buried rats, dreams about shores sucking in sea water and feet stuck in sand, golden light, bees, alluding to elusive things, middle name is infuriating, kind thoughts, old knots, late dinners and best friends, cab drivers with accents, missing missing missed, great expectations, better than gold, burning filters, hand out to hold, live bands with unfinished songs, drawings do no justice this time, feels like autumn, winding roads, piano island, laser life, teen heat, beautiful sights to see, new degree of understanding, it's always the unexpected things that matter, rough/tumble, hours and hours, and i can't explain, forgetful but sincere, quiet but real.

between the lines

my temper is rising over the dumbest stuff--things that should've been talked about, or forgiven long ago. for the first time, i wish i could skip my twenties for a couple of days and see what it's like to be thirty, all decked out with responsibilities and more urgency with time. i have to go for my license again, since moving to toronto cost me it the first two years i had it. i have to sign up for school and presumably, decide what career i'd like. i have to face up to getting older and getting over the tired dead ends. this week has been so quiet, for me. lately, my thoughts haven't left my mind. i hate winter, because it reminds me of the worst times of my life. once it warms up, the long days and weekly trips to the beach in the dead of night will kick up again. january's finally almost over. that was a rough month.

twenty

quit taking life so seriously. let's go scuba-dive in singapore, wilt in the water like paper money. good times keep rolling, but the sentiment is scarce. everything ends with shocked sighs, conversations filled with despair. nothing lasts, we know, but there's still hope for another year. i'm growing my hair long, forget the cuts and the maintenance. nothing perilous is coming, so celebrate. so young, so intent on maintaining control. i've lost my ambition, but the dreams are still there. i have hope that i'm still a good person, just less likely to be on time, or apologize. time is crushing down, splintering into months, days, weeks. i take it with a grain of sand, because wind can catch and love can take, and i don't have the kind of patience for it. soon, we'll see, being tested mercilessly, with eyes drooping and the worst case of homesickness -- but for now, stare up at the sky, root yourself to the ground. friends, family, lovers, the lies you hide. the world is tilting and i'm by your side. where else would you wish to be? look alive. you'd be wise to stay out of the tide.

that's one broke ass faun

so, i don't really have much to say. it's irritating when the week after a major, intense bout of energy comes because then it really pales in comparison and everything's just... sort of crappy and lame. anyway, i spent the week wondering about whether or not graduating with a degree in art is suicide. my family really brought me up with the mentality of getting a doctorate or bust, so i spent the week thinking in circles and wondering if jennifer lopez is still jenny from the block. eh, whatever.

aside from that, i've been noticing that my neighbours are increasingly creepy with every day i spend living here. this dude come up to my house yesterday, knocked on the door persistently and asked to use my cell phone. what is that bitch about? another one of our neighbours made sure to wake me up before ten in the morning to get me to help him lift some branches out of the way, so he could noisily saw them off. are these people for real? it's like i'm in narnia, except tumnus isn't around but everyone's still sort of hairy and eager to coax kids into their lairs.

the street i live on is whack. this weekend better rock my body 'cause i've been about as mellow as i will ever be able to handle. behaving well is so boring.

clever girls like clever boys much more than clever boys like clever girls

woke up early, had breakfast made for me, watched a dumb teenage movie, found out that harry potter is gay, attempted to clean my room, looked at schools and got disheartened--does no one take art seriously?, mix tapes for all seasons, worse for wear, bored of winter and ready for spring, streets vs birds, uptight and elderly, life & time, new in-box, synthetic light, text messages are never long enough to hold important words, canceled walks, lifted and light, old text, last year and the year before that, happy and haunted, adolescent dreams, dancing like an idiot, long weekends, tempered, jumbled words, late dinners, estranged parents, weary eyes, chipped nail polish, shitty afternoon tea, declined invitations, low thumbs, collections of songs that used to mean something, long-winded good byes, ruined cars, double birthdays, why is funky's so funky?, shady neighbors, ludicrous, dreams of strangers, dreams of days i used to miss, new week means new air to breathe.

gentlemen soldiers

rough week.